Freebird

It's time for me to fly kids...

I am discontinuing this blog.

You can find my new blog here:

http://theprincipalityofpattypartdeux.blogspot.com/

Thinking back to 2006...

Thinking back on my trip to Australia, New Zealand and Fiji in February 2006, this was the first thing that came to mind - all the luggage our group had.

And no, despite what anyone who has traveled with me will tell you, it WASN'T all mine. I had one suitcase when I left Los Angeles, California and we arrived in Cairnes, Australia.

When I left Fiji, which was the last leg of the month-long trip, ok...so...I had three suitcases. What can I say? I like to buy things! ;)

Christchurch, New Zealand

When I saw the pictures coming out of Christchurch today I cried. Christchurch, New Zealand was one of THE MOST beautiful cities I've ever had the privilege to visit. I've been in many of those collapsed buildings. The devastation shown in the photos and the mounting death toll makes me incredibly sad.

My heart goes out to everyone there. I truly love New Zealand and it's people. The people I met while in New Zealand were the nicest people I've ever met.

The Domesticated Lion

I came home from work tonight to find Ashlee and Nick in the kitchen making dinner.

“Hi baby!” I smiled and kissed him. “What smells so good?”

He told me. It was a Mexican dish I can’t pronounce let alone spell. It smelled fabulous!

“How was your day?” he asked with a big smile.

I looked up at him for a moment. I realized my once wild and scruffy workaholic lion is now relaxed, clean-shaven and domesticated.

“Do you want some help?” I asked.

“No. Monkey and I got this!” he smiled again and went back to stirring. “Why don’t you go relax until supper’s ready.” He handed me a glass of wine.

“Ok,” I replied.

When I sat down on the couch, my dogs Bandit and Xena jumped up on either side of me. As I pet the dogs and sipped on my wine I looked around and noticed how clean everything looked.

“The house looks really nice, honey!” I complimented him.

“After I got back from PT (physical therapy) this mornin’ I had some energy left over and decided to give the place a good spit and polish!” He smiled at me from inside the kitchen.

A few minutes later...

“Table’s set and supper’s ready, baby!” he kissed me on the cheek.

The three of us sat down to eat together at the table.

“This is really good, daddy!” Ashlee smiled at Nick.

“I’m glad you like it, baby girl!” Nick smiled at her and continued to eat.

“This is delicious, Nick!”

“Glad you like it, too!” he grinned and kissed me on the cheek again.

When dinner was finished, I started to load the dishwasher.

“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What are you doin’, honey? I got this! You worked all day,” he said.

Ashlee gave me a hug.

“I’m gonna help you with your homework ‘cause your mom’s got studyin’ to do tonight. You go get your books and we’ll work at the table.” Nick leaned down and kissed her on top of the head.

She hugged Nick. “Okay daddy!”

This whole thing was so Twilight Zone for me. Complete role reversal. Nick actually seems happy and really enjoying his new role as a stay at home dad and househusband.

He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. “You look real nice, Viv!”

“Gee, honey…all you’re missing is your pearls!” I snickered.

He reached down inside his shirt and pulled up one of my long strands of pearls he was wearing around his neck. “Got ‘em right here!” he chuckled and smirked.

Good to know he still has that freaky weirdness factor about him I adore. ;)

"Really and truly!"

Saturday morning, Nick was acting all smirky and weird when we got up.

“Viv, I need you to take ten days off work at Thanksgiving,” he pulled me into his arms and smiled when he came upstairs.

“Why?” I asked.

“Well now,” he smiled, reached in his back pocket and produced three airline tickets, “we’re gonna go on our first vacation as a family.”

I looked at the destination on the tickets.

“OH MY GOD!” I screamed and was literally jumping up and down.

“I take it you like my choice!” he laughed.

“I SO love you!” I started kissing him.

“Ya do, huh?” he grinned.

“I SO do!” I kept kissing him.

“Now there’s another reason I wanna take you and Ash there. I want us to look at some property so we can find a nice home base for when we need one. We can buy a house or build one. We can decide on that once we’ve seen what’s available,” he stated.

My jaw dropped. “Really?” I smiled.

“Really and truly!” he smiled and kissed me.

A true friend...

“Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself - and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is.”
~Jim Morrison


(Photo: Jim Morrison and Pamela Courson)

"Would I lie to you?"

Ok…I’d be lying if I didn’t say that Fox finally finding someone else wasn’t like having four thousand pounds lifted off my back. His sudden announcement gave a whole new meaning to the phrase “free at last” for me.

I know Angela will be good to him and take care of him the way he wants to be and needs to be taken care of. She will be the picture perfect, beautiful housewife he always wanted. She will fit in with his family and his friends. It also means he won’t be alone anymore.

Last night around 9 p.m. there was a quiet knock on our front door. Nick looked at me strangely. I got up to answer the door.

“Hi Fox!” I smiled when I saw him standing at the front door.

“Can we ummm…can we talk?” he asked me quietly.

“Well sure! Come on in!” I offered.

“No,” he looked in and waived at Nick. “I mean just you. Can we talk…out here?”

I looked at him strangely. “Ok.” I turned to look at Nick. “Honey, he needs to talk to me alone outside. We’ll be on the porch.”

“All right, baby,” he smiled and went back to reading his book.

I stepped outside on the porch with Fox. He sat down on the steps.

“What’s up?” I asked as I sat down next to him.

“Did I ummm…Angel, I did the right thing, didn’t I?” he asked very nervously.

“Why are you asking me this?” I chuckled. “If it matters, I think you did. Ashlee adores her. Angela will make you very happy, Fox. She’s everything you’ve always said you wanted,” I smiled at him.

He wouldn’t look at me. He kept looking around nervously.

“I’m…I’m…I’m not so sure she is,” he replied and wrung his hands together a little.

We just sat there quietly for a couple of minutes.

“Fox, are you having second thoughts?” I asked him.

“I’m…ummm…I’m not sure. Maybe?” he replied quietly.

“It’s ok to rethink it, if you need to, but what I suspect is you’re nervous for another reason. Want to tell me what it is?”

It took him a lot of “ummms” to finally spit it out.

“My…getting engaged…it didn’t bother you at ALL?” he asked.

“No! I’m really happy for you, Fox!” I smiled and took his shaking hand in mine.

“Oh,” he looked down and replied quietly again.

I just looked at him for a minute.

“Fox, did you want it to bother me?” I asked.

He looked at me briefly. “I thought ummm…maybe it ummm…maybe it might.”

I got it. He wanted it to bother me and he was very disappointed it didn’t.

“Honey, you hate being alone. You need someone to be with. You need someone to love who will love you back. You need someone who adores you and nothing else but you. You need someone who will take care of you when you need them too. Angela will do those things for you. I’m happy you’ve found someone who is perfect for you!” I smiled and rubbed his arm.

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He looked down and shook his head ‘yes’.

We sat there quietly for another couple of minutes.

“Did you…ummm…did you ever love me?” he asked while looking at the concrete.

“Fox, you had me believing you were someone you weren’t and you made me believe all the lies you told me. I was in love with the man you created – not who you truly are. I will admit I like the real and sober JD…some of the time,” I chuckled.

He chuckled.

“Had I met him first…I might have fallen in love with him,” I smiled. “I know Angela did. She told me. That’s why I wanted you to give her a real chance.”

“She ummm…she told you that?” he asked surprised.

“Would I lie to you?” I batted my eyelashes innocently and smirked.

He laughed.

“Everything is going to be ok, honey. You’ll see!” I smiled. “I should get back inside now. Nick is worried about me being out here alone with you and he’s watching us through the window,” I stated quietly.

Fox looked back and caught Nick looking out the window on the front door.

“How…how did you know that?!” he asked.

“I’d tell you but you’d never believe me. You don’t believe in my ‘voodoo’, remember?” I chuckled.

We stood up.

“Angela is your soul mate. That’s something you CAN believe in.” I kissed his cheek. “You made the right choice. Good night, honey.”

“Thanks Angel,” he smiled, kissed my cheek and walked down the sidewalk to his house.


Ok...maybe I'm not so evil after all... ;)

Lobster and Unusual Questions

“I know what you’re thinking!” I smiled at Nick when I walked through the front door as I got home from work Wednesday night. “You’re thinking, ‘God damn this woman is gorgeous! I should take her out to dinner’!”

“Yeah-sure, baby. Now that’s exactly what I was thinkin’!” he chuckled and set his book aside.

Ashlee had gone to dinner with Fox and Angela so she could get to know Angela better. That meant Nick and I were on our own for dinner.

I straddled his lap on the couch and kissed him.

“And what would I be buyin’ you for supper?” he smiled.

“Lobster!” I replied.

He chuckled again and kissed me.


At dinner, he asked me an unusual question.

“Honey, if you don’t mind me sayin’, you seem awfully ok with Jack’s sudden big announcement. You two got a whole lotta history. You sure you’re really ok with it?”

“Yeah, honey! I’m happy for he and Angela. Really!” I smiled.

“Okay,” he replied and changed the subject.


When Ashlee came home and after Fox and Angela dropped her off she said, “She’s a nice lady! I like her, mom!”

“I’m so glad, honey!” I smiled and hugged her.

“Are you happy she and Mr. Fox are getting married?” she asked.

“Of course I am, Ash,” I smiled at her. “I like Angela too!”

She looked at me like she didn’t quite believe me…

They're Engaged!

I held back posting this until Fox told all the people he needed to.

After months of trying to get Fox and Angela together, I finally accomplished my goal. Apparently, Fox and Angela had a very good weekend together.

So much so, Fox took a ring she always wears while she was asleep Valentine’s morning, went to an exclusive jewelry store here in town and bought her an engagement ring. He bought her a beautiful dress, hired a limo for the night, took her to a fancy restaurant and popped the question during dinner.

Angela said "yes"!

Congratulations to Fox and Angela! :D

White Rabbit

One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all
Go ask Alice
When she's ten feet tall

And if you go chasing rabbits
And you know you're going to fall
Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar
Has given you the call
Call Alice
When she was just small

When men on the chessboard
Get up and tell you where to go
And you've just had some kind of mushroom
And your mind is moving low
Go ask Alice
I think she'll know

When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead
And the White Knight is talking backwards
And the Red Queen's "off with her head!"
Remember what the dormouse said:
"Feed your head
Feed your head
Feed your head"

~Jefferson Airplane

Valentines In Wonderland

Early Sunday evening Nick told me he had a couple of errands to run. I thought it was strange he didn’t ask me to go with him but he reminded me Spider Q would be with him and said, with a kiss, he’d be back.

An hour and a half later, Spider Q walked through the door with a light blue handled sack in his hand minus Nick.

“Where’s Nick?” I asked Q.

Spider Q handed the sack to me. “Ma’am, he asked I give this to you and for you to put what’s inside the bag on. I’m to take you to him when you’re ready,” he replied with a big smile.

“He’s alone?”

“He’s safe where he is, ma’am. He said to tell you ‘hurry’.” And Spider Q smirked.

I went upstairs to the guest room at Momma and Joe’s and opened the bag. Inside the bag covered with white glittery tissue paper was a very demure light blue embroidered eyelet dress with small pearl buttons, a white eyelet petticoat, and a large bow sash. It looked very little girlish to me. In the bottom of the sack I found a pair of pink ballet shoes, a pair of lacy white stockings, and a wide, light blue satin headband with a bow. I snickered a little but put everything on.

“Ma’am, you’re late! You’re late!” Spider Q shouted up the stairs at me.

I looked in the full-length mirror and laughed. I looked like Alice in Wonderland.

When I opened the bedroom door to go downstairs, Momma was standing right outside the room and instantly snapped a picture of me. Yes, Momma likes her Hallmark Moments all right. Even if you look incredibly startled.

“Does it fit all right, honey?” she asked me to spin it around. “I made it kinda quick so I hope it fits!” she smiled.

“It’s beautiful, Momma! Thank you!” I smiled and kissed her on the cheek.

“You’re late!” Spider Q shouted up the stairs again.

I walked down the stairs and replied with a chuckle, “What the hell, Q? I’m ALWAYS late! It’s my MO!”

He snickered at my comment and attire and helped me slip my coat on. I kissed Ashlee goodbye.

In the back seat of the SUV I found a chilled, single serving bottle of Sutter Home White Zinfandel wine with a note that said, “Drink me”, on it.

“You’re kidding!” I laughed. I opened the bottle and drank it on the way.

Spider Q pulled the SUV right in front of the same hotel Nick and I spent our one-year wedding anniversary in last year. He got out, opened the door to help me out and handed me a room key.

“Ma’am, you’re late for a very important date!” he smiled and told me to run to the room.

I have to admit this was fun and my curiosity was really peaked.

When I got to the room I recognized it was the same suite I’d rented for our anniversary. The same room Nick commented on by saying “All this?” Ok…yes…it is a very large suite with a living room, bedroom, large bathroom with a sunken bathtub and an amazing view. It’s the Presidential Suite.

I opened the door to find red and white rose petals strewn on the floor with an occasional Queen of Hearts playing card mixed in like a trail leading somewhere.

“Nick?” I giggled.

He didn’t respond. Not yet. I continued to follow the trail onwards.

On the coffee table in the living room I found a plate with a frosted sugar cookie that had the words, “Eat Me”, written in red frosting. Those cookies caused peels of laughter from me. (Those of you who read my blog faithfully will know how much those cookies cracked me up because I just LOVE double meanings!)

I ate one and called Nick’s name out again. He still didn’t respond. I continued to follow the trail of rose petals and cards all the way to the bedroom.

There he was lying naked sideways across the pillows on the king size bed with nothing on but a funky looking black top hat with a long blue scarf tied around it on his head, his eye patch and a giant plastic clock in front of his privates.

“Tea’s getting’ cold. You’re late!” he stated. He pretended to look annoyed, pointed to the clock and then smirked.

I burst out laughing. I couldn’t help it! The Mad Hatter himself waiting on me. It couldn’t be more perfect!

He turned me into Alice and gave me my very own Wonderland for one night. It was the most imaginative, fun, sweet, and romantic Valentine’s gift I’ve ever been given.


Originally, Nick had asked me to take Valentine’s Day off work but wouldn’t say why. He had secretly arranged to whisk me away for a romantic three-day weekend in Las Vegas for just the two of us. When his health issues changed and he needed to go back to the hospital to get re-evaluated, which ruined his plans, he put this all together in less than a week and enlisted Spider Q and Momma’s help so we could still have at least one romantic night alone for Valentine’s Day. I just can’t get over how lucky I really am to be with such a creative and thoughtful man.


When Nick and I arrived back at Momma and Joe’s this morning, Ashlee innocently asked Nick, “Did you find your muchness?”

Nick looked at me, smirked and replied with a chuckle, “You’ll need to ask your mom ‘bout that!”

Oh kids…that man SO found his ‘muchness’! ;D


My Mad Hatter is currently napping with Ashlee. Thank you to Bethany for loaning me her laptop so I could post this and check my e-mail.

(Photo: Walt Disney’s Alice in Wonderland directed by Tim Burton. My favorite version.)

Sit and wait

“Grandmamma! Grandpa Joe!” Ashlee shouted when we arrived at the airport late last night. She was so thrilled to see them. She was bouncing on the plane the whole way here.

Nick and I are spending the day at the hospital getting his medical re-evaluation while Ashlee gets to spend the day with the grandparents she adores. We saw no need for her to sit with us waiting for test after test all day.

We’ve been here at the hospital since 7 a.m. and Nick is through roughly one third of the tests now. It’s a good thing I brought a book along to entertain myself with. My job today is to sit and patiently wait.


A note to my devoted readers: I forgot my laptop at home and asked Chad to post this for me. I have no way to post or check my e-mails this long weekend.

I am truly evil...;D

When I set my mind on something I will pretty much do whatever it takes to achieve it. So this week, when an opportunity presented itself, I took advantage of it.

It's unfortunate Margie's dad died this week. He was 89, suffering from Cancer and had a really good life. He died a few months after being diagnosed so he didn't get to the stage where one truly suffers which is a blessing. When Margie called to inform me about the funeral arrangements, she let slip that all her cousins including her cousin Angela would be there.

Angela is the woman I tried desperately to get Fox into. She is as beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside. She's tall, athletic, slim, has two children, is a Republican and Catholic and she and Fox have SO MUCH in common. In other words, she's perfect for him, however, he wouldn't give her a real chance because he refused to give up on me. They are perfect for each other.

Last night was the visitation for Margie's dad. I chose to go to that instead of the funeral as I had only met her dad once and that was years ago. I went last night to lend support to Margie and…to see if I could get Fox and Angela together again. That's evil. I know. But hey…I thought it was worth one more try.

When Nick informed Fox he was staying at home with Ashlee, Fox immediately offered to go with me on the long drive. I told him I'd be just fine with Spider Q but Fox insisted. So I feigned reluctantly allowing him to go.

Inside the church in a very tiny little town with only three streets (no - not kidding!). Everyone stared at us when we walked in. It's a farming community. It was obvious we were "outsiders" all dressed up in our suits. Fox and I got in line to talk with Margie's family.

Fox spotted Angela in the family line greeting mourners. At first he tried to hide behind me, which was silly because I'm 5'4" tall and he's a whopping 6'6" tall and then I told him it was childish and cowardly. His next move was to try to bolt out of line. I grabbed onto his arm, looked up at him and asked, "Where do you think you're going? You insisted on coming along!"

He "ummed" a lot but finally settled down.

When Angela greeted us, she looked nervous when she saw Fox. He looked nervous and really out of sorts. He was actually sweating.

"Hi Angela!" I gave her a hug. "I'm so sorry for your family's loss."

"I'm glad you came," she smiled at me and took my hand.

"You remember Fox?" I looked up at him. Neither one of them would look at the other.

"You know, he was just saying on the way here what a jerk he was to you and how he should have really tried harder with you," I smiled at Angela.

"I…I did?" He gave me this weird look.

"Yes! You did!" I gave him a look right back. "You were also saying what a shame it was because she is so perfect for you!" I smiled again at Angela.

She looked at Fox's face for the first time. "You did, JD?" she looked at him sympathetically.

"Ummm…" Fox was completely out of sorts and caught completely off guard. "If…ummm…if she said I ummm I did…I…guess…I did." He again gave me a weird look.

"Angela, are you staying here in town tonight?" I asked sweetly.

"No. I'm staying in ____________ for the rest of the week," she smiled at me and then at Fox.

"That's great! We have to have lunch or dinner and catch up!" I replied excitedly. "Could I ask you a big favor?"

"Sure!" she smiled.

"Could you give Fox a ride back to _____________ tonight? I really need to get home to Ashlee and he has some churchy kind of things he needs to do yet. Would you mind?" I asked. I tried to hold back the smirk that was dying to express itself.

"I'd be happy to!" she smiled.

"Thanks! Give me a call so we can get together before you leave, all right? Fox, honey, would you walk me out to the car?" I smirked at him and pulled him away.

When we got outside…

"Could you BE any more obvious?! You just set me up in there!" he shouted quietly at me.

I put my hands on my hips and looked up at him. "You're damn right I did! She is PERFECT for you, Fox, and you know it! Now I want you to throw her on the bed and do all the things you did to me the night of your sister's wedding and I guarantee you she will stick by your side for the rest of your life!"

He was so taken aback by what I said he looked like he might actually faint.

"Just DO IT!" I shouted back quietly at him. "And…enjoy the hell out of it, honey!" I smirked and walked to the SUV.

Inside the SUV as we were driving away, Spider Q started to chuckle.

"What's so funny, Q?" I asked.

"You are..." he replied and let out the most boisterous laugh.


When I went home for lunch today, Nick greeted me with a great big smirking smirk on his face.

"You are truly a brilliant and EVIL woman!" he chuckled. "Guess who answered the door at Jack's in his bathrobe this mornin' when I stopped by?"

SCORE!!!

Evil really does become me… ;)

"Don't go home."

On my way home from work tonight, my cell phone rang.

“Mom?” Ashlee’s voice sounded strange.

“What’s wrong honey?”

“Don’t go home. Daddy’s having a bad day,” she said.

I pulled over to the side of the road so I could talk to her.

“What’s he doing, Ashlee?” I asked.

“He locked himself in the bathroom, mom. He told me to go to Mrs. Mary’s.”

I asked her where she was calling me from and she said Mary’s house. I drove straight to Mary’s. Fox was there with Ashlee when I got there. She ran to me and hugged me tightly.

Quietly, I told Fox I needed to go home and check on Nick.

“Not alone you’re not. I’m going with you,” he stated and grabbed his coat.

“Ashlee, you stay with Mrs. Mary until one of us comes back to get you, ok?”

“Ok mom,” she replied.

With my hands I brushed her hair back. “Are you all right, honey?”

With a very small smile she shook her head yes. She was worried about Nick.

“Everything will be all right. We’ll be back in a little while, sweetheart,” Fox smiled at Ashlee and kissed her on top of the head before we left.


Nick had locked himself in the upstairs bathroom at home. The good news is there are two doors into that bathroom. The bad news is he’d locked them both.

“Nicki?” I gently knocked on the door. He didn’t respond but I could hear him slide over a little on the tile floor.

“Baby, it’s me. Can I come in so we can talk? Can you unlock the door for me?” I asked.

From the sounds I could hear, it sounded like he was crying.

“Nick?” I asked again.

I slid down on the floor next to the door to try to get him to talk to me. I could see he was sitting right in front of the door.

“I’m…I’m…” he started to say in a broken voice and then stopped.

“It’s ok, honey. I’m right here. Tell me what’s wrong, Nick.”

“I been seein’ ‘em all day! They’re in my head and won’t go away! They won’t go away!” he started crying again.

“Nicki, please open the door for me? Please? I can help you make them go away,” I said quietly. My tears now started to flow.

“No! I can’t…I can’t let you in,” he replied. “I can’t trust me like this!”

Fox looked at me and pointed he was going to go try to get in the other door.

“You would never hurt me, Nicki. I know you wouldn’t. Please, baby. Open the door so we can talk face to face and I can help you.”

“Baby, I got a gun in my hand and I can’t be trusted! Please, Viv…go away! I don’t want to hurt you! Please baby!” he sobbed.

Fox walked back into the room with me because he’d heard Nick say he had a gun. He looked at me and whispered, “Tell him to move away from the door and you’re coming in.”

I looked up at Fox. He showed me he was going to kick the door in if I could get Nick to move away from the door.

“Nicki, can you get to the shower? The water makes them go away, remember? Use the water to help you,” I reminded him.

It took a minute or so, but I saw his shadow on the other side of the door move.

Fox helped me up and was getting ready to kick the door in and I put my hand up for him to wait.

I heard him drop the gun on the tile and turn the water on. I waited until I was sure he’d stepped inside the tub.

I nodded to Fox to go ahead.

Just as Fox was getting ready, I heard Nick’s voice quietly say, “You were right, Viv. You were right. They’re goin’ away! They’re goin’!” He sounded so relieved.

“You just stay in there until they’re all gone, honey,” I replied and buried my tear-stained face in Fox’s chest. He put his arms around me to hug me. I didn’t want Nick to know I was crying.

“Where’s the key for this door?” Fox whispered.

“In the kitchen cupboard,” I whispered back while trying to compose myself.

Fox quietly walked into the kitchen to retrieve the key.

“Nicki? Are you better? Can I come in now?” I asked.

He didn’t respond.

“Nicki?” I asked a second time.

He didn’t respond.

I put the key in the door lock and very slowly unlocked it. I opened the door just enough to see what he was doing. He was sitting on the floor of the tub backwards with the water running over his head. I decided to open the door all the way. With my foot, I slid the gun across the tile and out the door to Fox.

I sat down on the edge of the tub and stroked his head.

“Are you feeling better, baby?” I asked.

He looked at me and smiled.

“Yeah, I believe I am. I’m just gonna sit here awhile like this, ok?”

“Yeah, baby,” I leaned down and kissed the top of his head, “Ok.”

I looked back at Fox. He motioned he was going to go.

“Thank you,” I mouthed to him. He looked at the floor, shook his head yes and quietly left.


Fox dropped Ashlee off half an hour later at our house.

Nick, Ashlee and I sat down and talked about what happened. Nick told her how grateful he was that she had followed his instructions and left the house like he’d told her to do. From the look on Ashlee’s face I think she was just glad he was doing better.

I don’t know what set off his flashbacks. Neither did he. When you deal with PTSD, you never know what’s going to happen day to day. You can’t anticipate anything. At times, it’s a little like walking on razor barbed wire. Today was a bad day for Nick. Tomorrow will be better.

Cold Hands and Warm Hearts

On Saturday night something miraculous happened…

Nick had gone down to get ready for bed and do some reading while I let the dogs out for the last time of the night. Even though it was icy cold I stood out there with them to make sure they did their business before bringing them back inside.

Once I got back inside, I double checked to make sure all the doors were locked and checked in with our security guys before going to bed.

Nick was sitting up in bed reading when I got downstairs to our bedroom. I changed into my flannels, crawled into bed and curled up to him.

“God damn your hands are cold, woman! I swear it’s like bein’ married to the walkin’ dead sometimes!” he chuckled. “I do love my little vampire girl though,” he smiled at me, put my fingers to his lips and blew warm air on them.

I just looked at him in stunned silence for a minute.

“You…felt that? Nick, you felt how cold my hands were on your chest?” I asked.

It took him a moment before he realized what I’d really meant. He suddenly got this really strange look on his face. Prior to this, he hadn’t been able to feel my hands before then.

“Hell yeah! I felt that, baby!” he stated excitedly.

I quickly got up out of bed, ran upstairs and got some ice cubes to test on his body. I’d seen them do this to him at the hospital so I figured if they could do it, so could I.

I tried the ice cubes all around his neck and chest to see if he felt the cold. He did! Since he’d been injured, he hadn’t been able to feel my touch or hot or cold on his body. He’d accidentally scalded himself a couple of times in the shower because of lack of feeling. The doctor’s told us his nerve damage was so extensive the likelihood he would ever get feeling back was almost zero.

Continuing to test, I found the feeling stopped on his arms just below the elbows on either arm. He couldn’t feel the ice cubes on either of his legs or his feet. Still…this little bit of feeling he did have is truly miraculous. It means his body is slowly coming back to life.

Nick was so excited he called his primary doctor at the hospital and left a message to tell him the good news. His doctor was as excited as Nick was about the news. He asked how soon Nick could come back to be re-evaluated.

Nick had planned a surprise for me this Valentine’s weekend, which he reluctantly told me about because the doctor wanted to see him right away. I told him this was much more important and we should go back to the hospital to get that re-evaluation.

His doctor agreed to meet us this coming Saturday for it. I really do believe these doctors of his who worked so tirelessly on his case have been as shocked and surprised as he is by his amazing recovery.

I will tell all of you many of the treatments Nick received were considered “experimental”. Nick allowed them to try anything they thought might be beneficial with the knowledge if it didn’t help him it might help someone else. Due to the severity of his case some of those treatments he agreed to scared the crap out of me.

You know for a guy who went into that hospital barely alive with a less than 5% chance of living…I’m now a VERY BIG believer in medical science and what doctors can really accomplish when allowed to. I know Nick’s will to overcome his physical obstacles has truly surprised them. In dealing with what he went through mentally, he still has a ways to go yet.

Nick believes genuine love, ours for each other in particular, is what the real cure is. He’s made me a believer.